Ivey Truism # 341

When your 11-year old daughter tells you she wants her hair to be “long and sexy,” do not ask her what she thinks “sexy” means, because she will tell you.

Ivey Truism # 360

Picking your nose after trimming your fingernails is one of the most frustrating things you will ever try to do.

Ivey Truism #213:

Don’t ever tell your wife her feet stink. She has more comebacks than you could ever possibly imagine.

Ivey Truism #261

One day, your kid is gonna say the word “f*ck” on accident, and you are gonna have to choose between ignoring her and correcting her usage.

Choose wisely, friends.

Ivey Truism #204

Playing the “would you rather…” game with your wife is not fun. She will almost never pick between Betty and Wilma.

Ivey Truism #174:

Eating grilled asparaguses today will make your tee-tee smell like instead you ate dead rhinoceroses yesterday… tomorrow.

Ivey Truism #139

You are definitely getting fat if you become hungry after being called a “chocolate covered booger face” by your 6-year-old son.

Ivey Truism #97

It is a mistake to ever, ever assume it’s PMS… out loud. Ever.

Ivey Truism #201

One day your daughter will shave her legs. And then you will join the NRA.

Ivey Truism #142

Your kids are smarter than you think they are. Which is a lot smarter than they think you are.